


a chance

by Stillreadingfanfictbh



Series: Larry One Shots [7]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Death, Getting Back Together, M/M, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, hmmm, of fizzy and jay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:54:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24831946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stillreadingfanfictbh/pseuds/Stillreadingfanfictbh
Summary: after the death of his mom and his sister, louis is left feeling worse than ever. harry comes back into his life.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: Larry One Shots [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162739
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	a chance

everything is hard for louis lately. he struggles to get out of bed and get ready at the asscrack of dawn. he struggles to brush his teeth, to wash his face, to fucking climb into the shower and get clean. everything is a chore these days, even work is a chore. louis shouldn't be dragging his feet to go to work to do what he loves, but he is— he does.

when louis mom died he saw it coming. she knew she was at the end of her road long before the doctors did. she never gave up, but she had the opportunity to say goodbye to everyone she loved. she had the time to make sure her kids would be as okay as possible. she tied all her loose ends. it was a long death, and it was a sad death, but at least she said goodbye. at least she had her family by her side on her last days.

it wasn't the same for fizzy.

louis beautiful, hardworking, selfless, and brave baby sister. she put herself before anyone else, she babysat her younger siblings when lottie wasn't around or when their nan was out. she worked harder at school than any of louis siblings, and she had even begun to release her own clothing brand. lottie and louis always had a little bit of selfishness in them, they seemed to put work before family a lot of the time, even if they tried not to. fizzy always put family first, she put her friends first, but she never put money or a career first. she had an apartment in central london, but she still spent most of her time at home.

nobody noticed when fizzy stopped eating. fizzy died alone in her apartment because her heart stopped beating. it couldn't support her body with the lack of food and the lack of body weight. she was laying on her kitchen floor dead for over an hour before her friends finally came around after she didn't show up for lunch.

fizzy's death was abrupt, and because of that it seemed much, much worse than the death of their mother. not that it's okay to compare deaths, but it happened three years apart almost exactly on the day.

louis thought he would be the first of his siblings to die. he was aiming to be the first of his siblings to die. he's selfish in the sense that he never, ever wanted to see another loved one die, especially after he saw his mother die. fizzy reopened every wound that their mother's death left, and added more cuts on his heart along the way.

he knew that he would recover from his moms death. he had the support of his family and his friends. he had his job to distract himself when everything became too much. he had the letter she wrote him the day before she died. he could recover. he almost was recovered.

—

louis doesn't remember how he got here. sitting on the floor of a bar with tears streaming down his face and pissed out of his mind. he's pretty sure someone accidentally knocked him down to the ground, but in his drunk state he doesn't think he can get up. he crawled over to the wall and leaned against it, pulling out his phone trying to figure out who he should call. if he should even call anyone.

he used to call his mom, she would tell him to get his shit together and she would call a cab for him. when she died, louis would call a member of his security but they gave him the sad pity looks. he doesn't even want to think about the looks they would give him now if they saw him in the state he was currently in.

louis sighs and decides to call a cab when he just wants his mom. he just wants his sister. he wants his fucking family back. he wants to be happy.

louis pulls himself up onto his feet and drags himself out of the bar to wait on the sidewalk for his cab. he leans against the wall and rubs his fingers against his eyes and his temples, he he's got a headache coming on and the alcohol seems to already have started to leave his system.

"louis?" a voice says from the other side of the sidewalk.

at first louis thought it was a fan, which would honestly be shit. getting mobbed by fans while drunk like he is would be terrible. louis looks up from the ground and knows immediately that it isn't a fan.

it's harry. he's with a group of people as they all walk across the street, harry says something to them all and they continue on into the bar without him.

louis suddenly remembers why he doesn't go to this bar often. it's because it was harry's bar. it was harry's favorite bar. whenever anyone would mention drinks while they were in new york harry would force them all to this hole in the wall hipster bar. a lot of memories were made at this bar. a lot of memories were probably lost at this bar too.

louis didn't even know harry was in new york. not that he would know, it's not like they talk to each other often.

"hey, louis." harry says with a grin, louis notices the slight smell of alcohol on his breath, but he doesn't seem drunk. he's probably a little tipsy, harry was never a heavy drinker.

"hey," louis says. he hopes that his taxi comes soon. louis and harry aren't exactly on good terms. plus now isn't a good time. louis is still super drunk, his cheeks are pink and blotchy from crying, and he hasn't felt shittier in his entire life.

"you doing okay?" harry asks. harry's voice gets softer and his eyebrows scrunch together.

louis knows that harry thinks there is something up. harry always knows everything about louis, even if they haven't come face to face in almost two years, harry still knows. louis resists the urge to crumple into harry's chest and let harry comfort him like he used to.

"i'm fine." louis clipped voice must confirm to harry that he is not, in fact, fine.

harry nods but doesn't look any less concerned. he takes out his phone and seems to be texting someone, before he stuffs it back into his pocket. the taxi louis ordered pulls up to the side of the road.

louis nods at it, "this is me. i'll see you around."

louis opens the door and hops in, but before he can shut it, harry climbs in behind him. louis huffs and rolls his eyes, but doesn't say anything to make him get out of the cab.

louis gives the driver his address and turns to harry to ask in a snippy voice, "what are you doing, harry?"

"i want to make sure you get home okay." harry says, he sounds hesitant.

"i'm not sure that that's any of your business." louis has pushed himself against the left car door in order to get as far away from harry as possible.

"i care about you," harry replies, "that's plenty of reason for it to be my business."

louis sighs and wipes his eyes, maybe if he were less drunk, or even less depressed, he would have the energy to yell and scream and force harry out of the car. in all honestly louis kinda wishes he could be pushed out of the car. right into the middle of the highway were he could get crushed by a few speeding cars. louis probably shouldn't think on that too much though, he might actually do it.

louis changes the subject, "how is everything going with you?"

harry doesn't seem to be happy about the change in topic, "everything's good. i just released my second album."

louis nods. he already knew about that. he stayed up till the middle of the night to be one of the first to listen to it. maybe if he listened hard enough he could find himself in those songs. he didn't find anything. louis finally realized that harry doesn't, and never did, care about louis nearly as much as louis cares about him. but louis has bigger fish to fry, like his sister for example, or lack of sister, he should say.

"that's good. how's promo doing, then?" louis asks. if he pretends to be interested then maybe harry will leave louis alone.

"you don't have to pretend to be interested in my life," harry says. around harry, louis is an open book.

louis rolls his eyes and laughs at the irony, "i could say the same to you."

"i'm not pretending." harry says, he looks sad that louis would even mention something like that.

louis has to remind himself that harry is a good actor. a good manipulator. at least that's what he has tried to convince himself over the last few years. "aren't you? why are you here, harry? you should have stayed at the bar with your friends."

"i want to catch up. we haven't talked in forever," harry says.

"who's fault is that harry?" louis asks, his hands twitch and he wants to fucking punch harry. "you never called. you never texted. i would have been happy with an email or a goddamned letter sent by a fucking owl."

louis winces at the sound of his own voice and his vision blacks out a little bit. he just wants his bed. he wants to be alone.

"it never felt like the right time." harry replies with a small voice, "you never called either."

louis flairs his nose, he looks away from harry's face, he evens out his voice and says, "my mom died, harry, my sister died, my whole family is torn apart, my career is going down the drain, and you expected me to call you? you never even called to pay respects for mum, y-you sent an 'i'm sorry for your loss text' and then you still expected me to call you?"

"i didn't think you wanted to talk to me." harry snaps back, "we broke up, louis, when you break up to don't talk to your ex's."

"and who's the one who chose to break it off to begin with, harry?" louis is crying again now. he notices that the driver has turned onto his street.

"you were my first boyfriend, my only boyfriend, my first relationship. i was your first relationship. i-i thought that i was hindering you or something. i thought that maybe you would want to have some time to explore." harry is blushing, "i didn't want to be your last resort, i didn't want you to just choose me because you had no one else."

this is the first time louis has heard of this. when they broke up harry didn't give him any answers.

the driver clears his throat and turns around, "we're here."

louis bites his lips and nods, he opens the door and steps out of the car. he digs through his pockets for his wallet and passes the driver twenty-five dollars through his front window.

harry has gotten out of the car too, and he follows louis to the front door of his house. louis knows that now that they've gotten this far in the conversation they aren't turning back now. and harry wouldn't leave anyways, not voluntarily at least.

with a sigh, louis types a series of numbers (4912 harry's birthday but backwards) into the passcode lock on his door. louis leaves the door open for harry to follow.

louis turns around to face harry, who is standing uncomfortably at the door. louis clears his throat and says, "i'm going to go shower and change into something, uh, more comfortable, i guess. do you want to shower too? i could grab you some clothes?"

"just some sweats and a tee would be good." harry says, "um, i could wait here while you get them?"

louis nods and he walks swiftly to his room to grab harry some a pair of his grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt. louis walks back out to his living area, where he see's harry snooping around. he's walking around the room looking at photographs of louis and his family.

good thing louis cleaned up (louis had someone else clean up but the thought is still there) because just a week ago all of those frames were broken and scattered across the room.

louis clears his throat and harry turns around, louis tossed the clothes to him and says, "there is a guest bathroom right through those doors over there. towels are under the sink and soap and shampoo and stuff is in the drawer beside the toilet."

"thanks," harry says.

louis nods again just to acknowledge that he heard harry, but doesn't say anything else. he walks back to his room and into the adjoining bathroom.

he takes a long shower in hopes that it will help him get his thoughts together. but his brain is so scattered, and a hot shower won't fix that. louis scrubs at his skin, and thinks about fizzy and his mom.

honestly, fizzy probably took the most after their mom. fizzy was so gentle and kind, she put family first in every situation. fizzy always had tabs on every member of the family. she talked to everyone at least once a week, unlike louis who doesn't talk to his family as much as he should. fizzy called louis every saturday, where as louis hasn't even talk to lottie or the twins or nan in well over a month. fizzy should have never died. louis wishes every day that he could take her place.

with that sad thought louis gets out of the shower. he pats himself dry and wraps himself up in his towel. louis puts on a pair of black adidas sweats and a matching hoodie. these are his comfort clothes, even if he does look a little ridiculous matching like this.

louis sits on his bed for a few minutes before he actually gets the energy to force himself out of the safety of his room. he feels a lot more somber now. the cold shower definitely helped.

louis finds harry in his kitchen, digging through his cabinets. harry must hear louis step into the kitchen because he sits up straighter and turns to look at louis. with a blush harry mumbles, "i was just looking for some tea."

louis steps further into the kitchen and reaches into the white jug behind his stove, "i just have english breakfast and camomile, i've drunk the rest."

"right, you've left the worst flavors," harry tries to joke. it runs dry when louis doesn't laugh or even crack a smile. harry clears his throat and says, "um, camomile is fine. i've already started the water."

louis opens a cabinet and grabs two mugs and sets them on the counter next to the stove. he put a tea bag in each cup and asks, "do you want sugar or cream or anything? i know you used to like honey, i have some if you'd like?"

harry nods, "honey would be good."

louis grabs honey out of another cabinet and some cream out of the fridge for himself. he also walks to the other side of the kitchen for a spoon. when the water is done he pours some into each cup.

while louis prepares the tea harry stands there stiffly just starting.

"your house is nice. i never would have thought you would be one to get a house in new york," harry says.

louis doesn't want to tell harry that california has too many memories. too many memories with his family and with the friends he doesn't talk to anymore. music memories and industry memories. like the park bench louis and niall would write numerous songs on, and the beach right outside his old house where he would play with his siblings for hours on end.

louis shrugs, "i needed a change, i guess."

louis hands harry the tea and walks into the living room to sit on the couch. louis loves his couch, which might be a weird thing to say, but the couch is comforting in ways that he can't find with people.

"look, i'm sorry about not calling you." harry says following, "i should have. i know how close you are to your family. i couldn't even imagine losing my mum or even gemma. i would be heart broken."

louis feels his throat close up, he turns to look away from harry when tears start to well up in his eyes. "hopefully they won't die anytime soon."

"i probably shouldn't have brought them up like that." harry says softly, "i know your upset, i'm such an asshole."

louis doesn't really know what to say to that. if harry is trying to comfort him he's doing a shit job.

there is a bit of a silence before harry asks, "so what's the real reason you live in new york? you never liked the commotion of the city."

"people change." louis says, he tries to sound bitter, but it comes out wrong. it comes out sounding like the pathetic excuse that it is. louis sighs knowing harry will know he's lying, "california has too many memories, i guess. i don't have many memories here."

"you probably don't have many memories here because you hate this city," harry says the adds, "shouldn't you be home? with your family?"

"i should, yeah." louis sighs, he feels his throat constricting, he wishes he could lie to harry.

harry's eyebrows do that thing, they squint together in a way that makes him look both angry and concerned, "they need you! you should be with them."

"you have no right to tell me what my family needs. you have no right to tell me what i should do." louis scoffs, "besides they are better off without me there."

"what do you mean? they aren't better off without you. don't do that thing," harry says.

"what thing?"

"the thing where make yourself feel shittier by putting blame on yourself." harry exclaims throwing his hands up.

louis opens his mouth to disagree but harry is already talking again, "do you think fizzy dying is your fault and that means your family doesn't want to see you? that they don't want your support? that they don't want to support you? i assure you, they do."

harry is right. sometimes louis does feel like fizzy's death is his fault. he wasn't there for his family nearly as much as he should have been when their mom died. louis threw himself into writing and production for his album. he threw himself into his career, and along the way he lost himself. he lost the sound for his music. then he lost his sister, and now he doesn't know who he is. the loss of his identity has hit him just as hard as his sisters death.

louis started crying again. that seems to be the only thing he does these days. "i wish i could take fizzy's place."

"lou..." harry says softly, "do you- do you think you don't deser- you don't want to, like, uhm, die do you?"

louis breaks down in sobs, and says, "god, harry, you're always fucking right aren't you?"

harry goes to pull louis in for a hug but louis shoves him away. louis is so sad and so desperate to feel anything other than heartbreak and harry is just confusing him.

"why the hell are you here harry? you left me! you said it yourself, people don't talk to their ex's.'" louis sniffles and rubs at his eyes, he's trying be strong and yell at harry and stand his ground but he feels himself wearing by the minute, all his walls are crumbling down. "you're confusing me. i'm so confused. an-and what you said in the car? that doesn't make any sense, you would never be a last resort i loved you."

"i'm sorry louis, i'm so fucking stupid." harry looks like he's almost in tears now too, "i second guessed everything and i got insecure and i thought i was holding you back then i thought that you were holding me back but i was wrong. i knew i was wrong, i've felt heartbroken since i broke up with you and no one else compares to you."

harry wipes his eyes and runs his fingers through his hair, "i've been with a lot of people the last two years but i don't feel the way with them the way i feel with you."

louis tries not to sound desperate when he says, "then why didn't you come back? i would have taken you back right away. i've needed you harry. i've always needed you. you know how to make me feel better. you know everything about me."

"i just thought that since we haven't seen each other in years that you would have moved on. when i saw you outside the bar, looking so fucking sad, i thought that now was my chance to talk to you. to get close again. to get back what we lost."

louis doesn't say anything. louis is happy that harry wants to be with him, but why did it have to come at such a low period in his life?

then again he's not sure he would be alive much longer if someone doesn't step in. at least it's harry and not a member his of his family that has to deal with another depressed fuck.

"will you give me another chance, lou?" harry asks desperately, "we can take things slow. we don't even have to be in a relationship, we can be friends, i just want to be in your life."

louis tired. he's so tired of being confused. he's tired of hating his life. he's tired of drinking all the time. but mostly he's tired of fighting with himself. he knows what he wants, but he's scared he'll get heart broken again.

he doesn't want to fight anymore so he says, "yeah, haz, i'll give you a chance."


End file.
